I’m issuing a warning for the month of January. Please heed this warning with furious seriousness and urgency.

The warning? Your gym is about to be packed. If you plan to join a gym, it is going to be packed. There will be injuries (was he really squatting bent like one of grandma’s old spoons?). There will be anguish (um, when was her last time to do Yoga? Wait, has she EVER done Yoga? My God, what is happening?).

new years resolution means packed gyms.

What in the heck is going on in this place?

The future of January’s gym cartel is well-intentioned and overly full from stuffing, ham, muffins, cake, craft beers and something disgusting that weird brother-in-law concocted (why oh why would he make that and why in fat guy desperation, did I eat it?).

It makes sense. Someone is feeling fat is someone who wants to lose weight and regain their old physique. The gym seems like the perfect new beginning. That 30-day free trial to roam the halls of clanging iron plates and grinding resistant cords and trainers named “Bruno” and “Iris” yelling is all too enticing when we feel like our stomach is full of tire irons and our eyes puffy dough.

But is joining a gym for a month really the solution that will change our lives forever? I have a confession: I hate the gym. It is boring. It cost more than it is worth. Iris gives me the flu each year. I don’t look own sweat resistant shirts. That doesn’t mean the gym doesn’t work, that just means that the gym should be, at most, the second level in someone’s health agenda.

The fact is, diet is 90% of health and fat loss. And you, my friend, just ate the equivalent of 300 cake pops over the past week and you aren’t likely done. You can go to the gym as much as you like, your path is set no matter how many reps you kick out or how long that flu last (actually, the flu will help with weight loss, but I digress).

Weight loss. More energy. More sex drive. Clearer skin. More muscle. Clearer eyes (seriously). Does any of this sound good? Well, Iris isn’t going to help you achieve this. But you know what will? I seriously solid diet full of fruits and vegetables and lean proteins.

“Crap, he went there? Why oh why did he have to go there?”

I had to because the thought of you dying underneath of a squat rack makes me sad as a lost puppy.

“But you realize this means I have to go to the grocery store and buy a bunch of vegetables and then come home, chop them, repack them, chop them again, wash them (crap I forgot to do that first!), and then, eat them!”

Well, you just made it sound like a horrifying experience. The fact is, you just made it harder than it had to be. Healthy people do indeed shop in the produce section. We do, of course, wash vegetables. We have no expectation it will be easy. That said, we also streamline how we do things to make it a more efficient, liveable process.

How so?

  • Stop doing calories in versus calories out. This is what the gym tricks you into. This is because the gym knows you will take the bait and eat crappy foods and then come to the gym to “burn calories.” Guess what? You don’t need to burn as many calories if you aren’t eating junk.
  • Utilize superfood green drinks. You can buy superfood supplements at Whole Foods, or order them here online. By using a superfood powders, you give yourself the opportunity to skip the produce section. You simplify your health food strategy. When I wake up in the morning, I put two scoops of Kylea Total Living Drink Greens in a shake (I use almond milk as the base).

This strategy has been a lifesaver because my old breakfast was either bready foods, or nothing at all. Both of which lead to late day hunger and relentless snacking. In my case, I get a load of fiber, anti-cancer / anti-inflammatory greens to start my day.

Just this one change is worth substantial weight loss. Uses Kylea at every meal? Well, the cake pop pounds are likely to dump off.

So let’s review our options once more:

1)    Get overpriced gym membership. Have Irus “spot you.” Contract swine flu or Zika. Become dehydrated by multiple bathroom trips. Lose weight.

2)    Start replacing crappy meals with high fiber green supplement drinks. Lose weight. Use bathroom, but not as much.

Eating healthy will always trump going to the gym. Every legitimate clinical study will confirm this. I’m not breaking the mold here; this is clear science. If you are going to spend money on your health, start with your diet. You will thank me later.

Wait, did he just say the gym sucks?

No brah, I did not. True gym people get the best out of their memberships. But true gym people often rely on superfood supplements just as well.